Lately I’ve been working in my personal therapy – that’s right, MINE, not his-but-they-bring-me-in-to-figure-out-what’s-going-on-with-him, MINE. I’m a little possessive of it. You would be too if you had therapy that great. In fact, that’s tip #1. Get a therapist you love so much you’re possessive of that time. And if that isn’t the first therapist you visit, shop a little more until you find the right one.
Feeling it. In therapy I’ve been discovering boundaries. Did you know they’re already there? And you can feel it when they’re crossed. I’ve been trying hard to figure out what has been going on around here for the last 6 years. I happen to be married to a compulsive confessor. That means I know exactly what’s been going on with him, but I have been ridiculously out of touch with what’s been going on with me. Being married to a confessor is its own brand of hard; I suspect it required emotional shut-down simply for the sake of survival.
But now it’s time to feel it.
I feel the fear, the sadness, the loneliness and the heartache. I’m working through the grief for the things I’ve lost and I’m learning better ways to deal with the brutal anxiety and stress that plague me.
The good news is I also feel the joy from my Littles, the warm sunshine in the middle of Fall, the non-stop green lights on my way to work, and even fun relaxed evenings with Husband. I feel more fully the relationships I’ve learned to trust and I more honestly share what is real.
I’m trying to feel my own limits. I’m doing the things I enjoy and saying no to the things I don’t. I recognize when I get uncomfortable and try to figure out exactly why I want to punch Husband in the face*.
At Lifestar it’s called living a conscious life.
The folks at Addo call it following your instincts.
My friend April calls it being brave.
And The Mormons call it living by The Spirit.
For me it’s all the same: it’s simply feeling it.
Sometimes that looks like we’re a happy couple, holding hands and working together. Other times that looks like one of us (ahem*me*ahem) is fighting mad at the other (ahem*him*ahem) and someone (definitely not me) will be sleeping on the sofa.
Sometimes it means I exercise and cook and clean. Other times it means I sleep and weep and eat.
Mostly it just means I’m feeling it.
I invite you to join me. Feel it. Whenever you’re ready. Because even if you aren’t ready yet, you’ll notice when the time to feel more fully comes.
– Buffalo Gal
*Buffalo Gal does not condone violence.
When Buffalo Gal and Mr. Buffalo were dating, he told her about his recurring problem with masturbation. But they both knew that as soon as they were married that "little problem" would go away and they'd live happily ever after working together through life's "normal" challenges.
As time continued the "little problem" progressively got more frequent, more intense, and expanded in scope. 4 years into their marriage, they started seeing the patterns and realized they needed help beyond the blessing and statement of forgiveness from a church leader. They both started seeing therapists, attending 12-step meetings, learning about addiction and trying to find and correct their patterns.
About 2 years ago, Buffalo Gal got involved with blogging, forums, and other communities and quickly learned how valuable relationships with other WoPAs are. Buffalo Gal & the Mr. have been married for 7 years now, and continuing recovery efforts in putting together the many pieces of information they've gathered along the way.
Kill Your Own Buffalo