Love conquers all. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
In the addiction world a common cliché is “one day at a time.” I love this quote by comedian Hannibal Buress. “People say, ‘I’m taking it one day at a time.’ You know what? So is everybody. That’s how time works.”
So against my better judgment I’m going to build this entire piece on a cliché. Knowledge is power.
Knowledge gives you choices. Educate yourself. Immerse yourself in the wisdom and experience of those who have gone before, those you admire, and anything that uplifts or encourages you. But this advice isn’t new. What I really want to say, is knowledge is only power if you can find the humility, strength and courage to apply it.
As you reach outward and reflect inward you might make painful discoveries. You will hear things that are hard to hear. You will know that you must do things you are terrified of doing. You will face emotions that are overpowering and debilitating.
Being able to reach your potential will require humility. It is easy when coping with your husband’s addiction to let all the blame fall to him. You are NOT responsible for his addiction. But you are responsible for your character defects that prevent you from healing. Self-awareness can be painful and inconvenient. Humbly recognize things about yourself that are making you miserable, and own them.
You might not feel strong or capable. Surround yourself with people who believe in you. Do small things to practice independence. Knowledge will give you confidence. Arm yourself with education. Insight and discovery will validate you. If you believe in a Higher Power, plead with him to endow you with fortitude.
I love the song “Hold On” from the play The Secret Garden.
When you see a man who’s raging,
And he’s jealous and he fears
That you’ve walked through walls
What you do then is you tell yourself to wait it out
And say it’s this day, not me,
He’s hid behind for years.
That’s bound to go away
It is going to require tremendous bravery to stand up to the addict. It probably won’t go over well. He might not understand. He might be jealous that you are different and he is the same. He might be afraid of your new knowledge and strength. It also requires courage to surrender your husband’s addiction, to cease your efforts at control, to let him find his own way, even if he falls on his face.
Think of yourself as a dry sponge. Hard and incapacitated. Imagine knowledge as water, absorb it, soak it up, and let it soften your heart and make you useful. Then practice humility, strength and courage as you face the challenges ahead of you. The only way is through, but you’re going to make it.
Contributed by Jane at hisstrugglemystruggle.blogspot.com